It is that old build up to November again - get through the kids birthdays - every year I vow it will be different but October always hits with a THUD. I swallow hard, grin and bear it, take my stand and get on with it. Lauren turns 21 this October - my oh my - 21! I have all sorts of goodies stashed away for her - I want it to be special. We get to have Frankie while she goes out and has a few drinks - good for her I say - but then inside me I hope she has sorted contraception - why is nothing just simple! Why cant we just be happy without nagging voices twittering away at us - taunting, waiting to have the last laugh? Loz my darling daughter (who has pushed me to the limits today) I love you so much, I wish you trusted me more and I wish you could talk to me - shit it hurts that you shut me out of so much and all I want to do is love and support you and see good and wonderful things for you - only good things. And Scotto - 25! quarter of a century - am I that old already? I wish him peace and all of lifes best - this is his year -they say that when you turn the age of your actual birth date (ie Scott will be 25 on the 25th) it signifies a veery special birthday - weird that - Brad was 20 on the 20th this year! Scott is 25 on the 25th - I wonder what the year ahead has for both of them. Scott I am sure has turned a corner - whew he has had a tough year but he is still standing :) I feel so proud at his strength of character - I have not always agreed with his decisions but he truly is a survivor in this life!
So I sit here pondering my heart today and why it weighs heavy and I hear Fi in the kitchen cooking dinner and my heart sings - I think I will go and get a hug :)
She is calling me - how weird - am outta here - hugs await me :)
I am truly blessed
