Giving Thanks

Yesterday was such a weird day - I awoke so weepy and for most of the day just kept leaking - when you take time to think about all the things you are truly thankful for it is quite amazing what comes out. And the more I thought about things the more I cried. More than anything I had the hugest realisation yesterday that I am no longer independent.... I am totally wholly and lovingly dependent on my darling wife. I actually do not think I could make it through a day without her - when did it happen - this dependence on my mate, I thought I was hardened to so much and wow it sure did take me by surprise. But to be honest I have to admit I love it, I love sharing my life with someone who shares my passions, dreams and goals, I love the equality and more than anything I love the fun we have. The way we laugh or cringe at the same things, the way we do things in sync without realising - I just dont know when it happened - but yesterday I saw it and was so incredibly grateful for it. I am grateful for my health - OK I have a cough and asthma presently and feel like crap but one of my friends recently had a hert attack and another is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. My cough/asthma feels like a pimple in comparison. Minor irritation.
Anyway we had all the kids and our darling Frankie over and also some very dear friends. They of course asked what they could bring and I said nothing - just prepare something to share with us about what you are thankful for this year. And this is the beauty and essence of thanksgiving - we all found it uncomfortable, difficult and reluctant to share - some people really had to think, others like Jona just rattled off so much (bless him and his new words - latest - queff LMAO - fanny fart - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=queff). It just makes you think - it would have been so much easier to buy something to bring - like ice cream and cream - but to actually sit and talk about what is real and good and deserving of thanks is so hard - and it costs nothing.
I have a lot of love, I also have a lot of righteouds anger (as well as normal anger) and I also have a lot of forgiveness. I therefore disagree with the last thing said to me by someone dear - quote 'you have become one nasty little person for one who keeps telling me how loving and good she is' unquote.....

Such fun planning menus - it feels so 'normal'. I have missed 'family life' since being in the UK and nothing has ever really been 'fun' rather we have made the best we could out of every situation. I think it has been harder for the kids - they dont get to see grannies, auntie and cousins on birthdays and at christmas - even the family fights are fun 'brandy fucking custard' springs to mind - my how we laughed! I tend to go too far, buy too much, over compensate desperately trying to fill voids that just cant be filled. But mainly I just want to have the attitude that I cant be arsed - problem is - I am. My thinking has been challenged so much this year - the arrival of Frankie has helped me put so much into perspective. So much this year is for him. Christmas will be different - we fly to SA on Christmas day..... Leaving Scott and Lauren & Frankie behind, it will be hard, but kids grow and Mums are entitled to a life of their own (?). Of curse we will open prezzies with Frankie before we head for the airport and we will have a christmas eve dinner this year so we will still celebrate but it is just not the same. I remember the days of everyone at ours on Christmas day, chefs in the kitchen, marquees up, noise, laughter and of course the odd tear. Seems like a life time ago.

Anyway! Thursday - menu planning, inviting friends over (they have become surrogate family really) kids all at home, cant wait! I have the whole week to prepare and cook - to say I am in my element is an understatement. What I do know is that I will cook too much, eat too much, laugh too much, cry too much - that said I also know I will thrive on every moment and the opportunity to give thanks for my wonderful family and friends (near and far). I love you all xx PS menu pasted below - you are all welcome !

Thanksgiving – Thursday 26 November 2009

Roast Norfolk Turkey stuffed with Cornbread, chestnut mushroom and macadamia nut dressing, glazed with sage, apple and red onion chutney, accompanied with cider gravy & cranberry sauce

Served with:

Traditional corn biscuits

Roasted Red Rooster potatoes with parmesan and garlic

Pumpkin Fritters

Mac ‘n cheese

Green Bean Almondine

Roasted maple ginger carrots

Roasted sweet potato fries

Salads:

Waldorf Salad

Salad of romaine lettuce with marinated tomatoes

Chunky Beetroot, onion and apple pots

Dessert

Pumpkin, maple and cinnamon muffins

Pecan Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Fresh Cream

Ice Cream

Thanksgiving....

As I am reminded today at how impersonal online chatting can be and how much is misconstrued I find myself thinking of the week ahead and the fact Thursday is thanksgiving. Last year we were in Charlottsville with Craig and Robin - we went to Keswick Country Club for Thanksgiving dinner - I honestly think it has taken me a full year after to fully understand the concept of thanksgiving. I keep wanting to buy something for it - but there is nothing to buy - there are no cards - wow, the concept really does make you look inside and really think about gratitude and how to express it to one another. It is quite mind-blowingly simple in its practice. But we get so caught up in so much other commercial crap we for get the plain old normal easy (?) tasks of being grateful and thankful. Anyway this year this little family will be having a thanksgiving dinner and as I was telling my Mum about it this morning and explaining to her how this all feels I welled up and was quite tearful - I have so fucking much to be thankful for. So this year as a little family we will gather and we will talk about all the things we are grateful for over the past year - I fully expect a few tears and much laughter. And to celebrate this in style I have the menu for this years Thanksgiving dinner for Keswick club and I will be borrowing some of their ideas and recipes. Foremost in my thoughts are my family and dear friends - I will be remembering each one of you this year and I will give thanks for you in my life. I love you all x But most of all I love and adore you Dizee xxx